Age On Purpose!

We chose the phrase “Age on Purpose” carefully. Doing something “on purpose” means doing it consciously, actively, by choice, not by accident. Getting older does not have to be just something that happens to us. We can view it as a conscious movement through this journey of life. There will almost certainly be times when we’d like to stop the clock or turn it back, but when you know something is inevitable, why not face up to it and take it on wholeheartedly?

Age on purpose” suggests that each of us is ON a path in life. We are headed somewhere, and each of us is accountable for where we are now and where we are going in life. This is true at all ages and all life stages, but maybe especially so now. As the years pile up, each of us is the sum product of a myriad of choices we’ve made up to this point in life, and we will continue to make choices until the day we die. So to say that we are “aging on purpose” connotes that each of us is the travel agent of our own lives, that we are ON a path to somewhere of our own making. If we’re not happy with the path, we can change it. But whatever we choose to do about our path, we are ON it and we must OWN it.

Finally, the words “Age on Purpose” were chosen to try to make an important distinction between activity and purpose. In the course of writing our book, we interviewed a number of people in their fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties. We are grateful for their wisdom and their honesty. We learned many things from them. Perhaps the most important thing we learned and which has become central to this book is that there is a big difference between activity and purpose. People are fond of advising older people to stay busy, to keep active. That’s good advice, as far as it goes.

But our learning says it doesn’t go far enough. It’s not enough just to have a lot of activity in our lives. We also need an understanding of what all that activity is for, where it’s taking us, why we choose to focus on certain things and not on others. We’re calling that “purpose”, and it’s fundamental to happiness at every time of life. But it’s different at this stage of life because when we are younger, our days are usually full of things that constantly demand attention: work, marriage, children, friendships, community, and so on. We may not always be clear on what our purpose is in each of these areas, but we have a lot of momentum propelling us along.

With age, many of these elements become less central to life. Children grow up and leave home, careers plateau or retirement looms, marriages sometimes end and social connections that produced friendships often decline or change. We can fill up our days with tasks and errands and hobbies and activities. We can exhaust ourselves running from a community meeting to a lecture to an exercise class to a part-time job. But at the end of the day, what have we accomplished? What is it all for? If we can’t answer those questions, we need to discover our purpose. Stop confusing being busy with being purposeful. Don’t mistake activity for meaning. Let’s get on purpose!

Procrastination...The Art of Being Ready

Procrastination is the art of waiting until you are ready. People don’t get it, but the older I get the more it becomes clear to me. The irony of today’s reflection is that I achieved above and beyond my “to do” list. Please understand this has nothing to do with my zealous attitude or boundless energy. Actually it has a lot to do with joints, muscles and irreverent brain synapses.

You ever wonder why the folks who gave you lessons about the consequences of procrastinating always seemed to be mid-way in their life journey? As a kid, I remember the finger-in-the-face, pointed discussion about getting things done now and not putting them on hold. This wisdom comes from a place of knowing that tomorrow you might feel a new twinge in your neck and that closet you meant to clean won’t happen. This divine understanding comes from listening to body voice overs that creak and crack when you go up the stairs.

Those standing by while the list grows may say we are procrastinating. But we know we are simply awaiting the harmonious synchronicity of the mind, body and spirit. When it happens, watch out, three "to do' lists get accomplished in a single day, all with a wink and a knowing smile.

Busy Doing Nothing

If you ask my 75 year old mother what she is up to on any given day at any given time she will say she is earning her PhD. That's right her Doctorate Degree in "Doing Nothing". Now, before you shrug this off as wasting away her life, hear me out.

In her mind she has fulfilled all life's important roles: wife, mother, grandmother, and employee. She poured all her energies into doing these things and in some cases continues to do these things well. A careful glimpse into her world, shows that the focus has changed significantly from them to "ME". This wisdom comes without apology.

The day starts without rush, in fact no appointments are scheduled until after noon. Each morning she contemplates what her palate would enjoy and settles for nothing less. This culinary delight is followed by a morning walk and 50 reps on the stationary bike on her living room floor. Then it's the daily romp with the Young and the Restless, word puzzles in the afternoon, errand runs, dinner, an indulgent bath and back to bed.

She is not focused on making change the world contributions, legacy building, finding her purpose or any of that crap. Why? Simply because its already done. She, like many her age is happy with herself and her life, exactly as is!. Expressing herself flashing well manicured nails (with designs), she states with conviction, "this TIME is for ME. I do what I want, when I want and it feels wonderful!"

Clearly she knows who she is after all this time. Isnt' that really the goal? There is no struggle to please those around her, to posture in order to feel important, to collect a bunch of stuff you will need to get rid of eventually, to worry about what the neighbors think or even what her 4 daughters think. She is as self aware and assured as they come, "doing nothing" as she claims.

Let us all hope to earn this credential. Where "busy doing nothing" is an honorary degree of a life fully lived. Wow, wouldn't that be "something".

Where the Hell Are My Keys?

Stop laughing, you know the feeling!  My blood pressure raises as I trace my steps determined to figure out where they are hiding. Life's clock ticks away and precious time is wasted as I search. No doubt I will be late again to my destination. 

Let's see, did I leave them on the coffee table 10 years ago after that traumatic divorce? Perhaps it was 5 years ago when I lost the job of my dreams, no it was 4 years ago after that nasty fight with my mother, or when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, or when my kids went off to college.

What happened to those keys that started my ignition, motivated me to pursue my dreams, reved up my heart to take big risks, made me laugh and gave me peace of mind? I know I had them in my hands, then they got lost in life.

Oh, here they are! Exactly where I put them, deep within my heart.  Yes, they are well protected, but I  end up hiding them from my self. From now on, I will look inside my heart first rather than saving it for last. My precious keys! Finally found, ready for action.  Now here's the bigger question, were the hell am I going?

Dump the Bucket List and Design the Bucket

The new call of the wild for the Midsters in our society is to create the Bucket List. We've done our duty, worked, raised kids, retired and now they tell us to write a new fangled "to do" list. It amazes me how many people are falling for this pep rally as we run toward the finish line.

More and more people are confusing filling up a day with having a sense of purpose. Little time is spent on creating a meaningful context for our activities. We are still buying into the myths that compulsive over achievement and the completion of tasks and activities are the keys to fulfillment. Every time I am met with this trite dialogue, I ask the questions "Who are You?", What Makes You Remarkable?, What do you want to be Known for? What is your Purpose?.

These questions are meant to design the bucket that you fill your activities with. Activities that matter to your quest to becoming your true self. Does going to China really have anything to do with fulfilling your ultimate dream? Does learning the piano have anything to do with understanding your true worth? Does being in the audience for Oprah's last season have anything to do with your legacy? If the answer is yes, then you understand that designing the bucket first will have a lot to say about what you put into it. Plainly, know your purpose, then take all the steps to fulfill it. Yes, there will be detours and spontaneous meanderings along the way, but one thing for sure...at least you know where you 're headed.

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